I want my Travel Approval. I want to know my travel dates. I want to be able to confirm with my wonderful friend and sister-in-law exactly when they will be watching our 3 youngest while we're gone. I want to PLAN our trip... know when we're going, know when we'll be back so we can start our life with our new littlest blessing.
However, as much as I want to hurry up and bring home my daughter, I have to admit that I am scared. I'm scared about how she will receive us. I'm scared about "re-entry" when we get home. I'm scared at managing and homeschooling 6 children aged 11 and under and having essentially twin 1 1/2 year olds! Yikes!!
All these really hard emotions that I'm feeling are... well... normal, I'm sure. But I also know that I can do a better job "managing" them. I have NOT been reading God's word lately. I have NOT taken this to prayer. I have been burying these feelings inside, withdrawing, running (A LOT) and just waiting out this time. By doing this, I am missing an opportunity to reach out to my Father, to let him carry this burden with me (for me?) and to learn more about what God wants to show me.
So, today I purpose to walk closer to the Lord. I have always known, even as a little girl, that I "feel" better when I'm closer to God. And as an adult, I know that the only way to do that is to read His words and connect with Him through prayer.
This has all culminated at a perfect time to pray and fast tomorrow with all those led to do so at Linny's blog. I am praising the Lord in advance for the work He will do in my heart and my life. Do you know how faithful and loving our God is? Really?!
|My sweet daughter. Isn't she just beautiful?|